If I am not people pleasing,
Doing just what I am told:
Whatever it takes to make others happy -
To welcome them in from the cold.
I am not a real woman
If I am not coyly teasing,
Keeping my man well fed and sexed:
The dishes and laundry should never pile up,
He should be well tended in every respect.
I am not a real woman
If I have not given birth,
Breast-fed my baby, watched her grow;
God forbid I put my career first
Or need some time on my own.
I am not a real woman
If I am not feeling guilty,
Turning all my rage to grief and tears;
If I am not feeling shame about all the sex
I wish I'd been having for years.
I am not a real woman
If I fart or burp or snore,
My sweat runs in rivers not delicate beads,
Or if, barring a salad and a glass of red wine,
I have other bodily needs.
I am not a real woman
If, when I meet my gaze,
All my imperfections are not looming;
Leading me to spend my life on nails and hair -
Precious hours on harsh and pointless grooming.
I am not a real woman
If my bum and tum both wobble
Or I'm horrified by Botox and 'the knife';
If my breasts are small, my feet are big, my lips are too thin
And cellulite's not the bane of my life.
I am not a real woman
If I am too dependent
On anything - or worse, anyone:
I should be independent, not reliant but in control
And all forms of help must be shunned.
I am not a real woman
If on my shoulders I don't carry
Everyone's faults and all the world's shit.
I should be giving giving giving giving giving giving
Till I collapse under the strain of it.
I am not a real woman
If I just want to be a Mum -
If I do not care to 'have it all';
If breaking glass ceilings means nothing to me
And I only hear the maternal call.
I am not a real woman
If the latest fads and fashions
And advice on being better's not constantly
What I choose to read, making me feel as if there's something
Wrong with me fundamentally.
I am not a real woman
If I'm not busy, relaxed or earning,
Making time or being creative enough,
Or if I'm not being swayed to spend more than I can afford
On today's whatchamacallit must-have stuff.
I am not a real woman
If my opinions are too strong
I take up too much time, attention and space;
Or if I write a poem that's 'too long' or does not rhyme
And which does not have style and pace.
I am not a real woman
If I question my MP
Over and over on society's ills:
I should not make a fuss but be grateful, quell my rage
Be a good girl and just take some pills.
I am not a real woman
If I don't consider men -
The pain they face from patriarchal enslaving;
They are victims just as much or more
Than the women they've spent centuries dominating.
I am not a real woman
If I cannot roller skate
In white trousers when I am menstruating.
Or if I'm menopausal and have lost my sense of hope
Because I'm too hot, can't sleep and am self-hating.
I am not a real woman
If I have never thought
That I or she 'had it coming':
We're told from Eve onwards that it's all our fault -
It keeps us in our place: scared and running.
To be a real woman
I must throw away these lies
That I've believed for all these years.
I AM a real woman - just as me - thank fuck for that!
And so are you, in spite of all your fears.